Thursday, February 3, 2011

Back-Up Plan

It won't take you long to realize that I don't shy away from controversial subjects, that I am very supportive of healthy marriages and working to maintain them, that I have fairly strong opinions on some things...and I'm not afraid to share them!  So to start off, I am going to share with you a note I wrote on Facebook last month about an article I read online:

Back-Up Plan

If you haven't read this article entitled "Regrets of a stay-at-home mom", please take a few minutes to do so.

It was difficult for me to read.  My first reaction was that of anger.  But the more I have thought about it and processed it all, it just makes me so sad....sad for her, and sad for the thousands of women who agree with her. 

She just seems so bitter, mostly about the divorce.  And it came across to me like she wants all women to enter into marriage and family decisions preparing for the failure of the marriage.  That is what makes me so sad and angry, all at once.  How can you expect a marriage to survive the tough times when your commitment level is non-existent and you already have a back-up plan?  All or nothing is the only way to go. 

I do believe that we should be making responsible financial decisions.  However, I don't believe that means that as moms, we should all make sure we bring in income.  It means living within your means as a family.  Staying out of debt.  Support your husband.  Love your husband.  (Yes, I feel that putting your marriage before your kids is the best financial decision you can make!)  Nurture your NOT sacrifice it on the altar of your kids.  I stay home.  I homeschool my kids.  I bring in no income to speak of.  I am planning to be in this situation until my kids are out of my house.  We follow God's leading for our lives.  My husband and I work on our marriage regularly.  When we talk to someone whose marriage has fallen apart, we ask what happened and then we discuss it as a couple....because we don't want it to happen to us.  The best thing I can do for my kids is love the Lord first, love my husband second, and love them third....then comes everything else (friends, money, jobs, resumes, owning nice things...). 

She is right about one thing:  I don't know what the future will bring.  Especially with my husband being a police officer in a large city.  I could be widowed today.  That would devastate me emotionally.  But we have worked hard to be financially responsible.  We have worked for years to pay off debt.  We have set up the appropriate life insurance policies.  We do plan for our family's future.  But we WILL not set up a plan for the failure of our marriage.  Because that is not an option for us.  We didn't just make a commitment...we entered into a covenant.  I plan to grow old, gray and wrinkly with my wonderful husband.  He is planning to chase me in our wheelchairs so he can grab my butt!!!  We plan to stick together through the hard times and enjoy the good times.  We plan to be the ones to raise our children.  We plan to pass on our values to the next generation.  We plan to live in the knowledge of what a tremendous blessing these children are to us.  We plan to daily make a concious effort to be a united family.  We plan to trust God in everything that happens.  We plan to be in this marriage till death do us part.  We do NOT plan to let it all fall apart. 

You couldn't pay me enough money to go back work.   I take care of my husband and kids.  I cook for them.  I clean for them.  I teach my kids.  I serve my family.  I get no money for it.  And my resume might look pretty pathetic because of it.  And that's ok.  In fact, I am rather proud of my pathetic resume.  Because I am not seeking the approval of some "manager" in a cubical-filled office.  I am not in need of the status that comes with business suits and high-heels.  I don't need to receive equal-pay as the men around me.  I am working hard every day so that maybe one day I will hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant." 

And I don't have a back-up plan.

1 comment:

Vicki said...

This is a wonderful testimony Angie. I know that it can sometimes be a tough thing to hold onto these principles. Tracey and my daughter-in-law Whitney, as well as Kim have all chosen to be stay at home moms and take care of their families. They all have college degrees, but the life they have chosen has filled them with joy and fulfillment. I was blessed to be able to stay at home with my kids, and we made a conscious decision that we would raise our children, not someone else. It does mean sacrifice, but what joyful rewards. I think people waste such amazing gifts our children can be by sending them off to others. God will bless our lives and share wonderful things with us if we are in His will. Marriage and Family are what it's all about. Hang in there!