People all around are me hurting. There have been unbelievably tragic car accidents, tornados, and illnesses. Families having to suddenly say goodbye to their loved ones. Other families desperately trying to add little ones into their fold.
I see struggles and sorrows. Pain and uncertainty. Lives shattered. Lives on hold.
It is so hard to watch. I am reading some more books by my favorite authors, Bodie & Brock Thoene. I just finished Against the Wind last night. Another amazing story set in England in 1940. Fantastic book. But there were parts of it that were so difficult for me to read. The devastation. The unfathomable loss. Reading about children suffering and dying....it physically affected me as I read it.
Oh, how I want to reach out and save every single one from suffering and dying...all the children that have ever lived! Oh, if only I could.
But I can't.
Evil is real and it seeks to devour our children. I could write about that alone for hours. And perhaps I will at some point. For now, I can feel the weight of it's effects. The hurt. The sorrow. The confusion. I see it in those around me who are mourning and those who are waiting. I want to make it all better.
I know it is not up to me to carry the weight of the world. That is God's job. But it is not ok for us to keep our blinders on to the suffering around us either. So where is the balance?
I am torn between being overwhelmed with it all and trying to ignore it all: ambivalence.
I want to be bold in following after the Lord and yet, due to my ambivalence, I avoid Him: passive-aggression.
Not surprisingly, the more I avoid Him, the more ambivalent I get.
What an awful little merry-go-round I am on.
All in all, I know that the process of following God and growing closer to Him is a complicated one at best. It is a road full of struggles and uncertainties, situations that require faith. As the song by NewWorldSon says:
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." ~ Isaiah 43:2
This is a rocky road. At times it is down-right painful. But I don't want off of it...I know where it leads. And when I get there, He will be there to heal my heart-aches and wipe my tears.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." ~ Revelation 21:4
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." ~ Psalm 147:3
In the meantime, I pray for His help in navigating this road and I keep walking: perseverance.