Do you ever feel like spending time with God is a chore? That you would much rather spend your free time watching some tv, playing around on the internet, reading a book...doing anything but spending that time reading the Bible and in prayer? Sometimes even cleaning the house seems like a more desirable option! Time with God can seem like such an obligation. I know I certainly have felt this way more often than I like to admit.
I have come to the conclusion that on our own, it is impossible to truly love Him and desire to spend time with Him. We are too human, too selfish, too prideful, too lazy. Maybe we don't really believe that His promises are for us, that His words are still relevant.
"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6
I have been praying for God to help me love Him and desire time with Him and really have faith in Him. I have asked Him to re-ignite passion for Him and His Word. Just as the father in Matthew 9 cried out, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!" v24
My prayer is similar: "Lord, I love you; help my ambivalence."
I stopped trying to love God in my own strength. That was impossible. Instead, I turned to Him and asked for help. I confessed that I really had no desire to spend time with Him and asked for Him to change that. And He did. All I had to do was turn to Him.
"Draw near to God and he will draw near to you." James 4:8
That is a promise.
"The Lord is faithful to all his promises..." Psalm 145:13
"Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart...for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:22-23
Take one step toward Him and ask for His help to bring you closer.
He is faithful!
I will leave you with an amazing quote I came across a couple days ago that so accurately illustrates my heart right now. It is a beautiful prayer.
It is that first step.
"O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still.
Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long."
A.W. Tozer ~ The Pursuit of God