Life seems to have expoded these last two weeks. So many things around me are changing. Dear sister-friends are moving far away. My "circle" is changing dynamics. God is moving and shaking our lives in many ways.
It is exciting.
And it is terrifying.
You see, the future I thought was before me has changed considerably, unexpectedly. I trust God's plan...I do. But I mourn the future I thought I was going to have. I am intrigued by new prospects, and deeply saddened at the thought of saying goodbye to what has become so much a part of who I am.
I have taken these last two weeks off from writing anything for various reasons. My emotions are so jumbled right now...My entire house has been horribly sick...My mental capacity has been greatly diminished. All in all, I just haven't felt clear about much of anything.
So much change.
So much still up in the air.
My heart still aches for those sweet children around the world who just want to be loved. My heart still aches for the children here in America who are abused and neglected. My heart still aches for the little ones who are fighting for their lives, battling cancers and other life-threatening illnesses. My heart still aches for the babies who are never given a chance at life. My heart still aches for the believers around the world who are tortured and harassed and killed because of their faith in Jesus Christ. My heart still aches for those who do not know Him and His love. My heart still aches.
And I am still trying to figure out how I can make a difference. Don't get me wrong; I am fully committed to teaching and caring for my children. I feel that is certainly what God wants me to be doing...using my life to raise Godly men to send off into this world so that they can make a difference. We are in training mode, I am the teacher/trainer and this is absolutely a noble call.
But, how do I teach my boys to live boldly for the Lord when our daily lives are filled with meeting our own needs and living in such comfort? How do we live out our faith in a way that really changes something and someone? If my goal is to raise men who will be bold and strong in Jesus Christ, who will serve Him whole-heartedly, who will affect those around them, then what should I be doing now that teaches them how to do that? I can read them great stories about amazing servants and missionaries every day, but is that enough?
Children do retain what they hear. But what they see and live is what shapes who they are and will become.
These are all the things I have had swirling around in my mind and heart lately.
As God is completely shaking my world around me--taking treasured things away, giving me new and exciting paths to pursue--I am trying to sort out what it all means in our daily lives. What steps of obedience do we need to be taking? When do we need to be still? When do we need to step out of our "comfort-zone"?
And to top it all off, with each step of obedience, the enemy is there, attacking us on all sides...trying to distract us and discourage us from living boldly for the Lord. The enemy does not want us to change our comfortable, ineffective lives.
God is truly moving. In BIG ways. In many lives. All around us.
As my world is changing considerably, I strive to cling to the One who never changes.
"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, for I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground."